I went out for a quick ride with Twilight. I brought my mother with me for two reasons. One I wanted her to take a video of Twilight and I riding so that I could see how far we've come and how far I need to go. Two because I was secretly terrified that Twilight was going to buck me off.
When I went out to grab Twilight she turned and walked away from me, I had to run to catch up to her. I slapped her on the chest and she tossed her head at me, eyes growing wide and white around the edges.
Twilight chased Bob, the pregnant male goat when I let her loose to run before the ride. She trotted after the fat hobbling goat with her nose pressed to his grizzly gray coat till he found a opprotunity to slip through a large gap in the fence.
Twilight stopped and peered through the fence post at him Oh come on. Weren't you having even a little fun? Your so interesting.
I don't know when the fear hit, but as I slipped the bridle over her face my hands were shaking. I could feel every nerve in my body fizzing I needed to stay calm.
She was tense, her movements were quick, her muscles coiled. We rode several laps around the arena simply working on her trot, I was very conscientious of the camera's eye following our path.
Finally after minutes that had drawn on like hours I asked for the canter, she collected beneath me and surged forward into a fast canter, but without the slightest hint of bucking.
For the entire ride we were stepping on glass with each other, my voice quivered, Twilight's muscles trembled and her head was constantly jerking up or down and her breathing was heavy. But we got through the ride without incident. I was relieved to get off.
I can't help but reflect on the movie Buck, and what Buck said. I need to be a parent to Twilight before I am her friend, she needs to learn to respect me as the leader, but I need to become a leader worthy of her trust.
I should be in control and in charge but I have to make my commands have meaning, be gentle but firm. Show Twilight that there is a purpose to what we do.
Buck said horses were a mirror, they are a reflect of the people who ride them. And sometimes we don't like what we see.
If the horse has issues the rider is probably the source.
What does my reflection say about me? A tense horse who can be unpredictable and pushy or docile and pleasant. A thrill or a terror to ride depending on the day. Twilight is a wild card. She spooks simply to spook. She does not trust easily, she is intelligent but incredibly stubborn. She can stress and knot herself up, clearly I need to work on unwinding the knots and snarled masses in my life and in my actions. Remove my emotions from the picture, find the right perspective to view myself through a critical eye, evaluate. I just need to find the place to start.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Progression of Twilight and I over Time. . .
July 2011
December 2011
A Hard Place To Be
It is time to reflect. I'm going backwards now to move forward, back to the point in Twilight's story where I left off to try and connected the experiences I write about now to the missing pieces I jumped over.
Good luck is a temperamental door, dangling some where between the subconscious and fate. I can picture it as a rusted metal door, hanging in a black room with no floor or ceiling and walls of shadows blocking the way.
My good luck ended abruptly, the rusted door slammed on my face leaving me alone and bemused.
It is fair to say that at this point Twilight and I were. . .working together. I was having a hard time connecting with her, but I enjoyed spending time with her.
It had been easier with Adam and Sting, I remember feeding Adam sunflowers, picking them myself the gooey sap making my fingers stick together, and the way Adam's face, the dark amber eyes and small round ears would perk at the sight of me walking into Bishops with the heavy flower head bobbing agreeably with ever step I took. The crunch of the stems in his teeth.
Unlike Adam, I didn't know if Twilight had a favorite treat, I would feed her and Mateo apple treats, but I have yet to meet a horse who didn't enjoy apple treats. I could not see anything special in Twilight at the time, she didn't like to be brushed, and was happiest when their was space between us.
We were both scared creatures at the time, not nearly as feral as we had once been, we'd both let some of our anger dry up but we still couldn't connect.
Gretchen and Risa tried to convince me of Twilight's potential her hidden worth. They eagerly told me of a hot summer day when they had taken Penelope, Carita, Twilight, and Lacaro up to the arena to free run.
The arena is surrounded by an electric fence three white strips of snapping electric ribbon. Inside the arena at the far end is a round pen that is just a tad to small. In order to prevent horses from going into the narrow cranny between the fencing of the round pen and the electric fence Gretchen had placed bars of wood between the two fences.
It was early in the morning when Gretchen and Risa led the horses up, the sun had already started to bake the sand, but a cool breeze was winding its way down the mountain and exciting the horses, tickling their noses with foreign wild scents and tangling their manes against their necks.
Risa and Gretchen released the horses and they were off in their own race around the arena kicking up their heels, squealing shrilly at each other, arching into large bucks and twist, acting like foolish colts and fillies. They cantered, then galloped, then went into full sprints elongated spraying sand with their sharp turns on the verge of being out of control. Carita and Twilight were running neck and neck down the long side of the arena towards the round corral neither showing signs of slowing down, Lacaro and Adam were following slightly behind. I can see it in my mind, the two mares goading each other to go faster to try and beat the other, neither ready to slow as they approached the pen. Carita was to the outside so she had plenty of room to turn. but Twilight was trapped with Carita to her left and the two gelding pounding away behind her, she had no time to slow for the turn, nor the room. She had one choice left to jump.
Twilight leaped the guard rails Gretchen had put up, cleared them in an effortless jump fulled by adrenaline and her momentum. It would have been a beautiful sight, till reality crashed back down. Twilight was now trapped, pinned between the round pen and the electric fence, which had started shocking her shortly after she landed. She had no room to move away, she could do nothing as the fence snapped and sparked at her withers. She shied away, but amazingly she didn't panic. The horse who could not tolerate being tied to anything solid, who balked at fly spray stayed meekly pressed against the fence till Gretchen and Risa could come set her free. Or that is what they told me.
But it didn't matter, when I looked at that horse I could not see any brilliance within, I could only see the dusty, worn black bay coat that Twilight didn't want me to touch. I wanted to be done, there had been no break through, only small flecks of dumb good luck that had allowed me to have some good moments with this horse.
I could feel pressure beginning to build, something was going to have to change, or something was about to change.
Good luck is a temperamental door, dangling some where between the subconscious and fate. I can picture it as a rusted metal door, hanging in a black room with no floor or ceiling and walls of shadows blocking the way.
My good luck ended abruptly, the rusted door slammed on my face leaving me alone and bemused.
It is fair to say that at this point Twilight and I were. . .working together. I was having a hard time connecting with her, but I enjoyed spending time with her.
It had been easier with Adam and Sting, I remember feeding Adam sunflowers, picking them myself the gooey sap making my fingers stick together, and the way Adam's face, the dark amber eyes and small round ears would perk at the sight of me walking into Bishops with the heavy flower head bobbing agreeably with ever step I took. The crunch of the stems in his teeth.
Unlike Adam, I didn't know if Twilight had a favorite treat, I would feed her and Mateo apple treats, but I have yet to meet a horse who didn't enjoy apple treats. I could not see anything special in Twilight at the time, she didn't like to be brushed, and was happiest when their was space between us.
We were both scared creatures at the time, not nearly as feral as we had once been, we'd both let some of our anger dry up but we still couldn't connect.
Gretchen and Risa tried to convince me of Twilight's potential her hidden worth. They eagerly told me of a hot summer day when they had taken Penelope, Carita, Twilight, and Lacaro up to the arena to free run.
The arena is surrounded by an electric fence three white strips of snapping electric ribbon. Inside the arena at the far end is a round pen that is just a tad to small. In order to prevent horses from going into the narrow cranny between the fencing of the round pen and the electric fence Gretchen had placed bars of wood between the two fences.
It was early in the morning when Gretchen and Risa led the horses up, the sun had already started to bake the sand, but a cool breeze was winding its way down the mountain and exciting the horses, tickling their noses with foreign wild scents and tangling their manes against their necks.
Risa and Gretchen released the horses and they were off in their own race around the arena kicking up their heels, squealing shrilly at each other, arching into large bucks and twist, acting like foolish colts and fillies. They cantered, then galloped, then went into full sprints elongated spraying sand with their sharp turns on the verge of being out of control. Carita and Twilight were running neck and neck down the long side of the arena towards the round corral neither showing signs of slowing down, Lacaro and Adam were following slightly behind. I can see it in my mind, the two mares goading each other to go faster to try and beat the other, neither ready to slow as they approached the pen. Carita was to the outside so she had plenty of room to turn. but Twilight was trapped with Carita to her left and the two gelding pounding away behind her, she had no time to slow for the turn, nor the room. She had one choice left to jump.
Twilight leaped the guard rails Gretchen had put up, cleared them in an effortless jump fulled by adrenaline and her momentum. It would have been a beautiful sight, till reality crashed back down. Twilight was now trapped, pinned between the round pen and the electric fence, which had started shocking her shortly after she landed. She had no room to move away, she could do nothing as the fence snapped and sparked at her withers. She shied away, but amazingly she didn't panic. The horse who could not tolerate being tied to anything solid, who balked at fly spray stayed meekly pressed against the fence till Gretchen and Risa could come set her free. Or that is what they told me.
But it didn't matter, when I looked at that horse I could not see any brilliance within, I could only see the dusty, worn black bay coat that Twilight didn't want me to touch. I wanted to be done, there had been no break through, only small flecks of dumb good luck that had allowed me to have some good moments with this horse.
I could feel pressure beginning to build, something was going to have to change, or something was about to change.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Last article
This is a draft of and article I wrote about Margrith and Rosie, which I particularly liked, I want it preserved on this blog, I feel its like a time capsule. This was the first and last time I saw Margrith and Rosie in a show together.
Finales are often all about the big finish, the end should be competed with success meet and exceed all expectations. But the truly meaningful finishes are the ones when a lesson is learned, some new knowledge achieved, or when fate is challenged and takes a turn for the better in what could have been a horrible situation.
Nancy a local horse jumping trainer and instructor just hosted her last of five jumping competition for this year The North Wind Winter Jumping Series Show #5. Nancy had two purposes for putting on the event at her facility. “[It’s] to raise money for competition expenses for my horse (“The North Wind”), while giving the equine jumping community a chance to practice jumping a course in a relaxed, schooling show environment.” She said.
It was a comfortable setting. Senior and junior riders chatted together comfortably all riding a variety of different horses and at various stages and levels in their horse riding careers. The North Wind Winter Jumping Series was beneficial for all involved. Nancy raised money to continue the riding she loves and provided a comfortable environment for riders to come and compete while having a wonderful time.
Among the competitors was Margrith , who is steadily building up a name for herself and experience in the show arena.
“A year ago showing wasn't on my radar. I have always wanted to show but a year ago, I would have just bought my first horse and I had to retrain her to English and then proceed to jumping.” Margrith conceded.
But not even a year after purchasing her first horse, Rosie, Margrith is competing at a Junior Mid division level.
Margrith was one of seven students of Nancy at the show. “Margrith is a gutsy, talented young rider with a lot of drive to improve.” Nancy said in praised , “She listens well and does her best. She is naturally athletic, so she can make changes quickly . . . all of this make her really fun to teach.”
Nancy has seen definite improvements in Margrith’s abilities over time, “I have seen her gain a better feel through proper practice and muscle-memory repetition, so that she has begun to instinctually do the right thing and improve the communication with her horse. She is now comfortable over larger fence than in the past and is building the tools it takes to become what would be considered a ‘serious’ rider.” She said.
Margrith and Rosie competed in two different classes. In each class they went through a series of 6 jumps twice. The first round was a schooling round to warm up and get a feel for the course without a score from the judge. The second round is judged and a score is awarded.
Margrith and Rosie flew over 2’3” jumps in their first class, and proceeded to 2’6” jumps in their second class. The heights alone are impressive, and the fluidness of the communication between the two was breath taking to watch.
“Rosie and I have come along way since where we first were. The fact that we are competing 2'6" and schooling 2'9" is a testament to that.” Margrith explained.
But the heights they are leaping in the arena are not as important to her as the bond she is building with her horse. “We have really become very close since the first months I had her and I plan to keep going with her as long as she will allow me to.” She added.
Margrith and Rosie placed 3rd in their 2’3” class and 4th in their 2’6” class. At the end of the show Margrith seemed tired and disappointed with her results.
She had a headache from a soccer game she had played in earlier that day. Margrith had fallen to the ground and while she was picking herself was hit in the head by the soccer ball. Two days after The North Wind Winter Jumping Series Margrith discovered that she had a concussion!
Margrith is an extremely lucky and talented rider; she was not injured during her horse show and managed to place in both her classes.
Even though this is Nancy’s final show of the year this is not the end of the show season and Margrith and Rosie can continue to compete (after Margrith recovers of course). “This was the last show of the winter series and our overall points placed us at Reserve Champ for our division, so I have to say we did fairly well!” Margrith said optimistically.
“Winning isn't everything. Which is odd coming from my mouth." Margrith said, "I am very competitive and very determined but, especially at the level I am currently showing at, the point is to learn as much as you can from your mistakes and ride well, so that when you do ride at levels where things really matter, you understand the best and most efficient way to do something. You also have to keep in mind that in this sport, your teammate isn't another human being that can get up and walk away from something if he/she is being hurt, or made uncomfortable. My teammate is a living, breathing creature that (as cheesy as it sounds) allows me to control its actions to a certain point. I have to keep in mind what is best for my horse and yes, I do have to push her to a certain point, just like a human teammate. But she will push back and push me to be better and together we improve. I can't compete without her, and she can't go into a class by herself and compete. So, there is a mutual relationship of understanding and trust. A trust that if I'm not careful, will end up broken, injured or completely damaged and irreplaceable.”
Finales are often all about the big finish, the end should be competed with success meet and exceed all expectations. But the truly meaningful finishes are the ones when a lesson is learned, some new knowledge achieved, or when fate is challenged and takes a turn for the better in what could have been a horrible situation.
Nancy a local horse jumping trainer and instructor just hosted her last of five jumping competition for this year The North Wind Winter Jumping Series Show #5. Nancy had two purposes for putting on the event at her facility. “[It’s] to raise money for competition expenses for my horse (“The North Wind”), while giving the equine jumping community a chance to practice jumping a course in a relaxed, schooling show environment.” She said.
It was a comfortable setting. Senior and junior riders chatted together comfortably all riding a variety of different horses and at various stages and levels in their horse riding careers. The North Wind Winter Jumping Series was beneficial for all involved. Nancy raised money to continue the riding she loves and provided a comfortable environment for riders to come and compete while having a wonderful time.
“A year ago showing wasn't on my radar. I have always wanted to show but a year ago, I would have just bought my first horse and I had to retrain her to English and then proceed to jumping.” Margrith conceded.
But not even a year after purchasing her first horse, Rosie, Margrith is competing at a Junior Mid division level.
Margrith was one of seven students of Nancy at the show. “Margrith is a gutsy, talented young rider with a lot of drive to improve.” Nancy said in praised , “She listens well and does her best. She is naturally athletic, so she can make changes quickly . . . all of this make her really fun to teach.”
Nancy has seen definite improvements in Margrith’s abilities over time, “I have seen her gain a better feel through proper practice and muscle-memory repetition, so that she has begun to instinctually do the right thing and improve the communication with her horse. She is now comfortable over larger fence than in the past and is building the tools it takes to become what would be considered a ‘serious’ rider.” She said.
Margrith and Rosie competed in two different classes. In each class they went through a series of 6 jumps twice. The first round was a schooling round to warm up and get a feel for the course without a score from the judge. The second round is judged and a score is awarded.
“Rosie and I have come along way since where we first were. The fact that we are competing 2'6" and schooling 2'9" is a testament to that.” Margrith explained.
But the heights they are leaping in the arena are not as important to her as the bond she is building with her horse. “We have really become very close since the first months I had her and I plan to keep going with her as long as she will allow me to.” She added.
Margrith and Rosie placed 3rd in their 2’3” class and 4th in their 2’6” class. At the end of the show Margrith seemed tired and disappointed with her results.
She had a headache from a soccer game she had played in earlier that day. Margrith had fallen to the ground and while she was picking herself was hit in the head by the soccer ball. Two days after The North Wind Winter Jumping Series Margrith discovered that she had a concussion!
Margrith is an extremely lucky and talented rider; she was not injured during her horse show and managed to place in both her classes.
Even though this is Nancy’s final show of the year this is not the end of the show season and Margrith and Rosie can continue to compete (after Margrith recovers of course). “This was the last show of the winter series and our overall points placed us at Reserve Champ for our division, so I have to say we did fairly well!” Margrith said optimistically.
Horse Hair Jewelry
Hitchhiking Viking
I went out to the barn today. . .its been nearly a week since I last saw Twilight and I must admit I was a bit apprehensive. I slunk cautiously around the stacks of green alfalfa. Wince as my black boots crackled in the gravel. I looked different, I've chopped all my hair off, back to the length it was when Twilight first met me, and I was afraid she would not recognize me, run from me in the pasture, snort defiantly at this stranger who looked like a gawky boy instead of her owner.
Plus I cheated on Twilight for an entire week with my cousins' (Sarah and Jessica) new horse Gus, a slender bay quarter horse who needed some socializing, which I was more than happy to do.
I had a great time with my cousins we road bareback in the morning after breakfast right in their back yard. We went to a little parade in which Jessica marched and a small rodeo. A local treat the grand prize of the event was a western saddle. We stayed after the rodeo and watched fireworks light up the sky. Our last night we slept out in the 50 degree weather on the trampoline together, giggling and watching the stars. It was fun, I didn't want to leave.
I walked out into Twilight's pasture, crunched through the dry bleached brush and clucked. Twilight's black coat was brilliant in the noon sun, glowing red like an ember. She snuffed my hands inspected my face with a critical eye, my fears were pointless, she new exactly who I was.
I groomed her, it was hardly necessary, but I enjoyed the intimacy of brushing her coat, currying away dust and layers of salt from dried sweat. The heat was intense, I had to squint when we left the cool safety of the indoor arena to brave the full force of the July blaze. I saddled Twilight up and began our ride.
Something was off from the start, she was tense, her entire body quivered, so it really should have been no surprise when I asked for the canter and received a small rodeo instead. Twilight arched her back, leaped into the air, a black crescent and then dropped back to earth only to bound up into the air once more. Her hooves sounded like thunder. I remember I was not scared I felt removed from the whole affair, I just dragged her head into a circle and asked for the canter again. For the rest of our ride I felt like I was playing Russian roulette, I would ask for the canter and Twilight would either flow into a smooth collected canter or break into large curving bucks around the arena. I never became angry, just tired of trying to keep her in check. I got off and lunged her for a while then untacked quickly and wordlessly.
I soaked her with water to remove the sweat, the water made her coat shine look obsidian. Twilight may be insane, but she is also absolutely gorgeous. I'm hypnotized by her. But sometimes I tire of the storms of mood swings, waves of trials.
Twilight nickered throatily at me for grain as I began to remove my boots. Hello?! Aren't you forgetting something rather important!
"Only good horses get grain." I retorted, "Silly horse bronco's don't eat grain, they're loco enough as is."
I released her back into her pen, and she quickly trotted away, showing off her Saddle bred blood by floating over the ground to the largest pile of dirt she could find, which she promptly collapsed into and rolled in covering herself with layers of dirt and saw dust. I had to laugh, what more could I do?
Lynn was watching, cradling her Jack Russel puppy in one hand and holding a horse's lead rope in the other. "She's like a two year old with a sandbox." I said, it was the only way I could explain it.
"I guess," Lynn replied.
On my way home I past a hitchhiker on the highway a man dressed in an olive tunic and deep brown laced up boots with a swash buckle and sword strapped to his back, he had a pudgy thumb stuck obstinately out into the 55 mile and hour traffic, a hitchhiking viking.
This evening Margrith and I met up to go see the movie Buck which was wonderful. I envied his knowledge and ability to work with horses, I wish I could solve all my horse problems as easily as he does. I want to take Twilight to a clinic with him.
Margrith and I had dinner and chatted pleasantly for a while, she is a wonderful friend, she makes me laugh with her vivacious attitude and strong opinions. She is like iron her views are unyielding in there judgment. Its refreshing to spend time with her. Though underneath it all we could both feel the void, I think. We are horse women, we are simply more comfortable together when we have horses underneath our feet.
We wandered the city after the movie, grabbed some delicious frozen yogurt and simply became observers of a small interesting night life. We walked quickly but without purpose, talked about whatever came to mind, and parted ways with hardly a backwards glance.
We are two very different people, but somehow we manage to compliment each other nicely, like a comfortable pair of miss-matched shoes.
Plus I cheated on Twilight for an entire week with my cousins' (Sarah and Jessica) new horse Gus, a slender bay quarter horse who needed some socializing, which I was more than happy to do.
I had a great time with my cousins we road bareback in the morning after breakfast right in their back yard. We went to a little parade in which Jessica marched and a small rodeo. A local treat the grand prize of the event was a western saddle. We stayed after the rodeo and watched fireworks light up the sky. Our last night we slept out in the 50 degree weather on the trampoline together, giggling and watching the stars. It was fun, I didn't want to leave.
I walked out into Twilight's pasture, crunched through the dry bleached brush and clucked. Twilight's black coat was brilliant in the noon sun, glowing red like an ember. She snuffed my hands inspected my face with a critical eye, my fears were pointless, she new exactly who I was.
I groomed her, it was hardly necessary, but I enjoyed the intimacy of brushing her coat, currying away dust and layers of salt from dried sweat. The heat was intense, I had to squint when we left the cool safety of the indoor arena to brave the full force of the July blaze. I saddled Twilight up and began our ride.
Something was off from the start, she was tense, her entire body quivered, so it really should have been no surprise when I asked for the canter and received a small rodeo instead. Twilight arched her back, leaped into the air, a black crescent and then dropped back to earth only to bound up into the air once more. Her hooves sounded like thunder. I remember I was not scared I felt removed from the whole affair, I just dragged her head into a circle and asked for the canter again. For the rest of our ride I felt like I was playing Russian roulette, I would ask for the canter and Twilight would either flow into a smooth collected canter or break into large curving bucks around the arena. I never became angry, just tired of trying to keep her in check. I got off and lunged her for a while then untacked quickly and wordlessly.
I soaked her with water to remove the sweat, the water made her coat shine look obsidian. Twilight may be insane, but she is also absolutely gorgeous. I'm hypnotized by her. But sometimes I tire of the storms of mood swings, waves of trials.
Twilight nickered throatily at me for grain as I began to remove my boots. Hello?! Aren't you forgetting something rather important!
"Only good horses get grain." I retorted, "Silly horse bronco's don't eat grain, they're loco enough as is."
I released her back into her pen, and she quickly trotted away, showing off her Saddle bred blood by floating over the ground to the largest pile of dirt she could find, which she promptly collapsed into and rolled in covering herself with layers of dirt and saw dust. I had to laugh, what more could I do?
Lynn was watching, cradling her Jack Russel puppy in one hand and holding a horse's lead rope in the other. "She's like a two year old with a sandbox." I said, it was the only way I could explain it.
"I guess," Lynn replied.
On my way home I past a hitchhiker on the highway a man dressed in an olive tunic and deep brown laced up boots with a swash buckle and sword strapped to his back, he had a pudgy thumb stuck obstinately out into the 55 mile and hour traffic, a hitchhiking viking.
This evening Margrith and I met up to go see the movie Buck which was wonderful. I envied his knowledge and ability to work with horses, I wish I could solve all my horse problems as easily as he does. I want to take Twilight to a clinic with him.
Margrith and I had dinner and chatted pleasantly for a while, she is a wonderful friend, she makes me laugh with her vivacious attitude and strong opinions. She is like iron her views are unyielding in there judgment. Its refreshing to spend time with her. Though underneath it all we could both feel the void, I think. We are horse women, we are simply more comfortable together when we have horses underneath our feet.
We wandered the city after the movie, grabbed some delicious frozen yogurt and simply became observers of a small interesting night life. We walked quickly but without purpose, talked about whatever came to mind, and parted ways with hardly a backwards glance.
We are two very different people, but somehow we manage to compliment each other nicely, like a comfortable pair of miss-matched shoes.
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