As I walked towards Twilight's pasture the smell of chlorine filled my nose and there was Mike hunched over and scrubbing the sides of Kisses' stall. "We have a new baby," he said, "at 2 am this morning Kisses gave birth to a healthy baby boy."
He is a shy older man, who has a way with horses, a slow walk and a quiet voice. The more I talk to him, the more I realize he truly is not as shy as he seems. I suppose I am also shy, and I make the situation awkward.
He offered to show me pictures of the foal.
(This is one of my own pictures).
It was reminiscent. I remember when Scottie was a small foal scampering about, now he has grown up, almost two full years have passed.
I went and grabbed Twilight and decided that we were going to go out on the trail for a run, I felt inspired, like an artist about to sculpt something meaningful if not beautiful.
I remember watching Margrith and Rosie jog together on the trail, Margrith with her eyes forward, arms and legs pumping full of determination, and Rosie looking wild with her head held high, but neither of them missed a step they flowed over the trail.
I put on shorts and a yellow bandanna, grasped Twilight's lead rope and away we went running into the wind. On a skeletal telephone pole just before all noticeable landmarks melted into a stretch of gold grass and silver sage two dark form watched us approach. Then they rose together into the air wings bursting from their side and reaching into the blue, both birds had white tails and as they arced away I realized that they were a pair of bald eagles.
Time is a circle I've decided, it has a string tied to my heart, just bellow my ribs and it can pull me like a compass around and around till I find meaning, which I always desperately crave. My mind was cast back to a different ride I took long ago with Margrith and Rosie and Twilight. A day that seemed as bright and endless as this one.
We'd ridden up to a cow trough, not one in the usual cluster but solitary and alone. The water was dark, rust colored and held within its bitter metallic water were two drowned sparrows and the large graceful corpse of a hawk. Their forms floated on the top of the water, the hawks head was completely submerged, the two sparrows were decayed beyond recognition. But the hawk looked like he could have risen out of the water if his soul was still within his frame.
I don't know what came over me, but I could not leave his body within the water. I remember thinking that he was a creature of the air,a king and did not deserve a watery grave. I found two dried sticks and tried to pull his body out, the two sparrows twirled away shedding feathers in the brackish water.
What had possessed them to fly into the trough? Had they stopped for a drink and fallen in? Seen the reflection of the sky in the calm depths and become disoriented? How could a strong raptor not escape the clutches of the water?
Finally I removed the white bandanna I'd been wearing from my head and wrapped it around the scruff of the hawk and lifted his body out of the water. His head and wings dropped like a marionette. Even with his feather saturated with water he was not heavy. I gently laid him on a board, his head turned, yellow eyes closed. His talons were curled and he looked so helpless, vulnerable.
I'd always wanted to touch a majestic hawk, and now that I had, I regretted it. I left my bandanna wrapped around the bird remounted Twilight and road away. To this day I have never returned to the hawk's grave.
These thoughts flickered through my head as I watched the shadowy black, and brilliant white eagles, a contrast against the blue sky float effortlessly away. Twilight and I continued on our run. She was reluctant at first, but slowly we discovered a rhythm. I remember running out on the trail with Hanna, and Twilight. Twilight had not trusted me then and had fought me all the way digging her hooves into the dirt and tossing her head at me, scolding me. Now she and I have an understanding and keep a harmonious pace with each other, the run will end when it ends.
We slow to avoid the holes and quicken over places that are slick with mud but eventually we come full circle. I've kept a keen eye open for places where we could race together as we once did with Rosie and Margrith without the fear of slipping into holes. As we come down the home stretch I am soaked with sweat, and my hair is irritating me. I notice with satisfaction that Twilight is also sweaty. Once we return to the barn I notice I have a message from Margrith.
She'd seen us walking near the road, recognized us a dark horse and a girl in a bandanna. She said it brought back memories. I felt a bitter-sweet ache in the back of my throat, I knew those memories.
We decide to do something crazy, bold, insane, we were going to ride out onto the trail and try to meet each other. Margrith on Sunny and myself on Twilight. It was time to truly come full circle, I had never dared to ride Twilight out on the trail by myself at anything faster than a walk or longer than an hours ride, but I knew I knew this could be the day. . .
