Circle Game. . .

Twilight and I reached the quarry, hot and tired. I didn't trust the ground, large clods of dirt and sand piled up into hills of debris from the quarry machines. We rode closer to the winding climb cars where whizzing uphill. A barbed wire fence prevented us from riding further. I turned her up the hill and Twilight arched her neck, nostrils billowing open and suddenly we were flying up the hill, her hooves digging into the dirt followed by her back legs moving simultaneously. She leaped higher and higher as the hill became steeper and steeper, her mane slapped my face as I leaned over her neck urging her towards the peak of the hill. She was a wave cresting and collapsing with each beat of her hooves, powering, stronger than any locomotive. Then we reached the top, she was panting, but I think, pleased with herself. I looked to our left down the hill to the plane we had just left and to the small tree dotted haven that was Trina's barn. To our right without end was the barb wired fence. We followed it, tried to break it, look for a safe place to cross, but there was no weak point. We lapped the fence, so close to meeting yet so far. We went down and looked for a place to ride next to the road, but their was no shoulder of gravel that I felt would be safe to ride Twilight on. We were reduced to waiting, about 45 minutes for Margrith and the large sweaty mammoth to come and meet us from the other side of the quarry. I felt like I'd betrayed Margrith, we had not been able to come through for her and Sunny. We were reduced to sharing apples with our horses over the fence and then turning and riding in our separate ways.
It took a while to find the trail I took out to the quarry again, a lot of the ride back was following fence lines and just guessing. We could see our goal, but the plains were unending. A maze to the mind there are not landmarks or differentiable sights on a plain just undulating hills of white heat bleached grass and crooked old sage brush  clumped together.

Cirlce Game . . .

It was glorious madness. I dumped out my purse, change clattered all over my car seats, but I didn't care. I grabbed my camera, my phone, two apples and shoved them into my bag. Julia pulled up and I giddily burst out, tell her how Margrith and I had decided, spur of the moment, to ride out to meet each other. She laughed, and then offered to pick us up if we became to exhausted.
She didn't think we would make it, and I didn't think we would either.
  I grabbed my helmet snapped it securely under my chin, laughed at my foolishness, and took Twilight onto the trail.
  I couldn't bare the slowness of a walk I urged Twilight into a trot, the fastest we'd ever gone by ourselves on the trail since the day she'd bucked me off.
  Her breath was loud and harsh, excited. Each of her perfectly paced steps took us farther and farther along the trail, into a fresh wind. When I pulled her to a stop she danced anxiously beneath me pawing and snorting.
  Twilight could feel the tingle of excitement, the smile on my mouth was electric and shot down to my hands which she could feel on the reins.
  We got to the first gate, and I swung down quickly. Some large bird of prey had left its last meal baking on the horizontal metal pole, dark red and dry with small yellow bones jutting out. I felt like it was a warning, but brushed it quickly away.
   We went through the gates, and I reasoned with Twilight to stand still as I climbed back onto her back. We resumed our brisk trot. I watched for the badger that we'd seen two times previously along this trail but he was no where in sight. I also kept a lookout for coyotes. Women at the barn had been talking about seeing at least four different packs at once on the trail.
  I didn't think a coyote would take on Twilight, but Twilight didn't know that.
 I was pleased that I could remember the trails Margrith and I rode on so long ago. My destination was the rock quarry a large pale scar in the rolling saffron hills. The ranchers have let their cattle loose, and we could see the round small shapes in the distance, specks of brown and black slowly rolling through the shimmering long stems of grass.
  Up-down-up-down, breathing, breathing, up-down, clip-clop-clip-clop. Frantic rhythm, but a rhythm never the less kept us moving over the red dust road. The flash of metal caught my eye, an old Chevy truck white and blue moved over the plains. I didn't want to be seen, but it was impossible not to, on the open golden plain Twilight would appear like a looming shadow magnificent and eye catching.  
  We left the trail and proceeded cross country through the thick tangled cheat grass, at a rolling walk. Twilight's head bobbing with ever step her ears and eyes swiveling attentively. The truck moved away, never slowing but I could feel eyes on me.
I kept waiting for some old ranch had to climb out with a shot gun and threaten us, but the truck shuffled back towards a ranch house. I wished we could go back to a time without cars, who ever was in that truck would of approached me on horseback. Neither of us would have been hidden from view, instead I was out in the open and the driver was behind the safety of a glass windshield, four wheel drive and air conditioning.
The cows watched us approach, some swaying as they climbed up from laying on the ground to look at us. Twilight became nervous, and I dismounted and led her around them. My stiff boots felt unsteady on the hard ground, but we continued onwards.
We reached a black asphalt road, one that Twilight, Rosie, Margrith, and I had ridden on summers before, our horse's shoes clanging against the hard surface and crowds of sunflowers bowing and flirting with the breeze on either side.
Now its edges don't hold pockets of flowers but abstract rusty pieces of metal, glass bottles, wrinkled wrappers, and pounds of grey mundane gravel.
We reached the quarry and I swung back into the saddle.

Circle Game

Last Sunday was a day made for horseback riding. In my mind the first day of spring. The sky was a stunning blue that extended forever, and the sun was warm and pleasant.
  As I walked towards Twilight's pasture the smell of chlorine filled my nose and there was Mike hunched over and scrubbing the sides of Kisses' stall. "We have a new baby," he said, "at 2 am this morning Kisses gave birth to a healthy baby boy."
He is a shy older man, who has a way with horses, a slow walk and a quiet voice. The more I talk to him, the more I realize he truly is not as shy as he seems. I suppose I am also shy, and I make the situation awkward.

He offered to show me pictures of the foal.

(This is one of my own pictures).

It was reminiscent. I remember when Scottie was a small foal scampering about, now he has grown up, almost two full years have passed.

I went and grabbed Twilight and decided that we were going to go out on the trail for a run, I felt inspired, like an artist about to sculpt something meaningful if not beautiful.

I remember watching Margrith and Rosie jog together on the trail, Margrith with her eyes forward, arms and legs pumping full of determination, and Rosie looking wild with her head held high, but neither of them missed a step they flowed over the trail.

I put on shorts and a yellow bandanna, grasped Twilight's lead rope and away we went running into the wind. On a skeletal telephone pole just before all noticeable landmarks melted into a stretch of gold grass and silver sage two dark form watched us approach. Then they rose together into the air wings bursting from their side and reaching into the blue, both birds had white tails and as they arced away I realized that they were a pair of bald eagles.

Time is a circle I've decided, it has a string tied to my heart, just bellow my ribs and it can pull me like a compass around and around till I find meaning, which I always desperately crave. My mind was cast back to a different ride I took long ago with Margrith and Rosie and Twilight. A day that seemed as bright and endless as this one.

We'd ridden up to a cow trough, not one in the usual cluster but solitary and alone. The water was dark, rust colored and held within its bitter metallic water were two drowned sparrows and the large graceful corpse of a hawk. Their forms floated on the top of the water, the hawks head was completely submerged, the two sparrows were decayed beyond recognition. But the hawk looked like he could have risen out of the water if his soul was still within his frame.

I don't know what came over me, but I could not leave his body within the water. I remember thinking that he was a creature of the air,a king and did not deserve a watery grave.  I found two dried sticks and tried to pull his body out, the two sparrows twirled away shedding feathers in the brackish water.

What had possessed them to fly into the trough? Had they stopped for a drink and fallen in? Seen the reflection of the sky in the calm depths and become disoriented? How could a strong raptor not escape the clutches of the water?

Finally I removed the white bandanna I'd been wearing from my head and wrapped it around the scruff of the hawk and lifted his body out of the water. His head and wings dropped like a marionette. Even with his feather saturated with water he was not heavy. I gently laid him on a board, his head turned, yellow eyes closed. His talons were curled and he looked so helpless, vulnerable.

I'd always wanted to touch a majestic hawk, and now that I had, I regretted it. I left my bandanna wrapped around the bird remounted Twilight and road away. To this day I have never returned to the hawk's grave.

These thoughts flickered through my head as I watched the shadowy black, and brilliant white eagles, a contrast against the blue sky float effortlessly away. Twilight and I continued on our run. She was reluctant at first, but slowly we discovered a rhythm. I remember running out on the trail with Hanna, and Twilight. Twilight had not trusted me then and had fought me all the way digging her hooves into the dirt and tossing her head at me, scolding me. Now she and I have an understanding and keep a harmonious pace with each other, the run will end when it ends.

We slow to avoid the holes and quicken over places that are slick with mud but eventually we come full circle. I've kept a keen eye open for places where we could race together as we once did with Rosie and Margrith without the fear of slipping into holes. As we come down the home stretch I am soaked with sweat, and my hair is irritating me. I notice with satisfaction that Twilight is also sweaty. Once we return to the barn I notice I have a message from Margrith.

She'd seen us walking near the road, recognized us a dark horse and a girl in a bandanna. She said it brought back memories. I felt a bitter-sweet ache in the back of my throat, I knew those memories.

We decide to do something crazy, bold, insane, we were going to ride out onto the trail and try to meet each other. Margrith on Sunny and myself on Twilight. It was time to truly come full circle, I had never dared to ride Twilight out on the trail by myself at anything faster than a walk or longer than an hours ride, but I knew I knew this could be the day. . .

Back in the Saddle

I was away from the barn for over a week in Colorado for a theater conference which I absolutely loved! But that also meant I neglected my horse. Time has this nasty habit of getting away from me, the day before I left to go to Colorado I had the opportunity to go and watch my friend Margrith compete in a show with the horse she is leasing (named Sunny). Sunny is a huge horse whom I've nick-named Mammoth.

I must admit I was skeptic that this large horse could leap over a jump, but Margrith had complete faith in her horse. Their performance was splendid, and they took second place jumping over poles at the height of 2 feet and 9 inches.                               It was so good to see Margrith again, we used to see each other at least once a week, before Rosie died and before I went of to College we were inseparable, people at the barn even referred to us as sisters.

Margrith was surprised that I showed up at the show, I had wondered myself if I would get their in time to watch them compete. The Birt's Barn which they compete at is in the middle of nowhere. I saw chickens literally cross the road, donkeys, and mules right next to the front door of several small houses and orchards and field covered in woolly sheep and stocky cows.

  I found the barn and parked and rushed out over the muddy grounds to the arena afraid that I had already missed Margrith and Sunny's show, but there they were waiting at the gate to be called. Margrith dismounted from her towering horse and gave me a hug, that moment made the long drive and the time I spent watching her ride worth it.

 Birt's arena holds bittersweet memories, it is the only place I have ever seen Margrith compete, it is the first and last place I saw Margrith and Rosie ride in a show.

    When I came back from Colorado it took another week for me to find the time to actually go to the barn and see Twilight. I was sure she would be angry with me, hotly toss her head and walk away from me when I went to collect her from the pasture. She had every right to be angry with me. To my surprise she walked right up to me when I went into her pasture. She snuffed my hand in search of treats, and she seemed to say, "hey where have you been? I missed you. . .plus I'm hungry do you have any food?" 

   We had a good ride, she was energetic but obedient, it was nice to be back in the saddle. I let her run laps around the outdoor arena, goaded by Stephanie who playfully said, "Are you going to win the race today!"  I could not help but think of the movie Hildago. "We'll ride all the way to Damascus." I said to Twilight, "and your hooves will only touch the ground 1,000 times between the starting line and the end, because you are breed of greater horses than Secretariat and Man O War, you have Pegasus in your blood!" Of course like the story of Hildago, it isn't true.

  Yesterday when I went out to the barn I had a wonderful time. Stephanie was riding Rowdy, and Heather was riding her horse Flyer. Flyer is a true gray horse, he was born black but as he has aged he has lightened in color. He is 10 years old now and is almost white with some dark patches in his mane and tail and splashed on his legs. 

  I've known Heather since I was in junior high, she used to be the Choir teacher at a junior high called East, (I went to North Junior High). I would see her at choir concerts, she always looked to young to be a teacher to me. She wears her long black hair in a pony tail or braids, and always has a pair of thick rimmed colorful glasses perched on her nose. Her voice is high and clear.

It was awkward when I first came to the barn years ago and saw her playing with her horse, she can ride Flyer without a bridle. I've watched her ride him with a flag on a pole flowing alongside. She is on a drill team, which is when riders and their horses perform choreographed maneuvers in sync. 

Now that I know her better, it is not awkward to see her outside of a school setting, plus I've had almost 4 years to think of her as a horseback rider and friend instead of a teacher.

 Stephanie and I started riding together in the arena, first at a trot then at a canter, Rowdy has really taken to drill team and did all he could to keep up with Twilight as she sped ahead, or cut corners. Stephanie was absolutely tickled by how well Rowdy was responding, and she called out to Heather to come ride with us and try some drill moves. 

Twilight doesn't mind Rowdy, she has been around him enough to tolerate his presence, but she refused to accept Flyer, she shook her head at him and pinned her ears flat against her skull when he got to close, so Twilight and I had to be on the outside or inside of our line so that I could create space between her and Flyer. We started by doing 360's, which is when all the horses turn in a circle at the same time and keep pace with each other. Twilight and I were on the outside and when Heather yelled "Now!" We would start making the circle. First we did it at a walk, then a trot, and then a canter. We made a few good circles, but most of them were sloppy. It didn't matter though, I was having fun, and so was Twilight, she became excited and pulled on the bit a fought me to go faster and faster.

"You race her?" Healther asked, I could only nodd, anytime she was neck and neck with Flyer or Rowdy she would pull ahead, for almost a year now our apponents have been invisible, figments of our minds. But Twilight still remembers racing against Rosie, and old habits die hard.

 She and I did 360's with just Flyer and Twilight for a while, and then with Rowdy again. Twilight on the inside, Flyer in the middle, and Rowdy on the outside. "We look like an oreo!" I crowed.

"You're the creamy filling," Stephanie giggled to Heather.

"Of course I am!" She replied.

 One of our turns was so fast that I screamed, just because I couldn't help myself, it was loud and high pitched like breaking glass. Both women asked why I'd screamed, and I couldn't really give them an answer, I screamed just because I could. Drill was a chance to let the tense knot inside of me out, to play. The sun felt great, and so did the huge smile that I could not keep of my face.This is what riding is all about, we were just being silly girls, enjoying ourselves, but there was meaning behind the frolicing. Drill shows you how strong the connection and understanding must be between a rider and her horse.

   Twilight and I have sloppy horsemanship compared to Heather and Flyer, and Stephanie and Rowdy. We tried pin-wheels which is a 180 and then a change in direction. Healther sang 'The itsy bitsy spider' as we spun in large canter circles and slid into atrotious stops up and down the arena.

  Clearly Twilight and I have some work to do, but now there is a goal, I want to be as good of a rider as Healther and Stephanie. I would love to be intune with Twilight to the point that I could ride Twilight with only a saddle and nothing else like Healther does. I would love to be able to ride Twilight with nothing at all, just my hands in her long mane.

Sunday Ride in the Sun

We needed a fun day, that much was clear. The two previous times I had gone riding with Twilight it had been a fight, her tugging against my hands and plowing forward, I was tired of raging a war against a one ton animal.
   The sky was a deep endless blue, and the sun was fierce and white in the sky. We started in the square arena loose reins slapping gently against her neck as we went through prancing, trotting, cantering and worked on counter-cantering.
This is a fairly new concept for us, it requires balance and will. We start cantering one direction in a small circle, then I urge her with my outside leg into the opposite direction, my outside leg becomes my inside leg, and Twilight picks up speed balancing on the opposite lead as we make a large circle and then return to our original direction.
We watch as a woman, dog and bay in an elaborate western saddle take to the trail, and then Julie a small woman with wiry blonde hair and her large muscular dun Boo also wander out into the silver sage and cropped dry grass.
Suddenly the square arena is to small and the monotony of our work for the past several days is a stone dragging us down, I want to go on the trail, I want a change, and even though its a foolish risk to go out alone there is no hesitation as we walk out the green rusty gate an onto the moist trail.  In many places the trail is like clay filled with the perfect prints of dogs, rodent and horse shoes. We can see all that have gone before us, and I don't want that. I want a new unmarred track so we ride up into the grass and sage. Distance is hard to read out on the flat plane, it feels like we've gone forever until I look over my shoulder and see the barn.
There are bones strewn at random over the ground, at the bottom of a telephone pole the fragile skeleton of a crow rest in a jumbled heap like some morbid jigsaw puzzle.
A stealthy breeze creeps down the neck of my jacket, but Twilight's body is warm and the sun is bright, so the cold does not bother me so much. I see Julia and Boo on the horizon before Twilight does, but you can't tell its them. They look large and wraith-like on the trail, a shadow, it is not clear where the rider ends and the horse begins. Twilight is captivated once she sees them, she arches her neck nostrils wide and ear swiveled high and quivering towards them. Does she know it is a horse and rider? Or do they appear as strange to her as they do me?
We avoid them, keeping our distance and continue to ride cracking through sage brush and slipping slightly on the mud patches.
Its a release to be out on the trail, heart pounding with anticipation for Twilight to spoke and buck or take off (which amazingly didn't happen), but its also calming, I feel like we are riding in a cold desert till I look at the snow caped peaks to the north east, a dream world could look like this.

First Snow!

The quiet of snow, even though horses are running, and rearing, and neighing at each other, silence fills the air. The collapsing of snow around my quilted horse boots is softer than breathing. I'm layered in clothing and warm, and enjoying something truly peaceful and extraordinary. The world has paused, life is on hold, all that matters currently is the barn, the falling snow, and the horses.

In the snow life is more vibrant. The horses seem to glow, their dark thick coats are fiery against the white.
Twilight does not wish to come in, she dances away from me, a strange creature wrapped in layers of dusty clothing, who stumbles slowly along to catch her. She is soaked, the water drips from her coat, her mane and tail curl like seaweed down her neck and legs, her pasture mates merrily laugh at me and dance along with Twilight

 The wind is harsh, the snow is falling sideways, it is now a time for wild things.
"You're crazy!" Beck calls from the gate where she waits for Dubby.
"Yes I am!" I retort as I slip Twilight's lead rope around her neck, and walk her to the gate. She holds her head aloft as I try to slip the halter around her neck, she refuses to be tamed. She seems unearthly her mane curling wildly, her shining wet coat, and she rolls her eyes so for a moment all I see in her head are two pink and white eyes, like pearls or bone. The winter has turned my horse into one of the fey, a kelpie. The cold and the stillness, make my imagination run wild. The cold mounds of snow are frozen waves, the frothy caps hiding a dark frigid navy sea beneath. If I ride this snorting fierce kelpie she will wheel and plunge into the ocean, and I will be lost.
As I affirmed earlier, 'I'm crazy.' And I take my kelipe out of the gate and through the snow which rises to my calf, and into the warmth of the indoor arena. Now the spell of the snow cannot reach us here. It is brown and dark and dusty and earthy, reality is more prevalent, and now all I have with me is a soggy horse, even though the magic has lessened as the steam begins to twist and smoke off Twilight, she keeps her unearthly qualities. I'm in no rush, I lung her for a while and then send her flying over jumps. For an hour we past the time in the indoor arena. Listen to the tap of wind blown snow on the roof, like small claws rapping against glass.
Twilight is trembling with energy, her eyes and ears on high alert. She curves her neck in a narrow arch over my head investigating every little noise.
We've ridden in gusting winds before, and Twilight has acted perfectly normal, but something about this subtle breeze seems predatory to her, dangerous, and exciting.
I don't bother with the full tack, just a bareback pad and her bridle. I swing onto her back and she is ready to spring, tossing her head up and down and prancing in place.
She hesitates as I press her out of the indoor arena and into the snowy tundra around us, she is no longer a part of the winter spell, but is now subject to it. I'm sure she see dancing phantoms of her own. We go to the outdoor arena, the snow preserved within it, flawless as parchment. I walk her around the arena once, but she is at home in the snow, we trot and finally after a few rounds I recklessly allow her to break into a canter and then a gallop! Now we have created a winter charm of our own. The world is quite and we charge through the snow, flowing effortlessly feeling like laughter untouchable and glorious.
After our ride I share a nature valley, honey oat bar with my  'kelpie' who is now once again my wild black lassie, and follows me around like a puppy once more. I am still giddy from the sheer delight of galloping in the snow, there was nothing to hold me to her, we rode together, just a small stretch of fabric between us, through snow about a foot deep we glided, that was magical.

First Ride in the Snow (Sort of)

Winter snow may not of struck the barn, but winter cold and frost has seeped into every dusty crack of the barn, every shadowy corner. There is ice now, and my fingers and toes ache. Twilight does not seem to notice the cold, she investigates the snow like a dog, sniffing inquisitively, at the thin layer of winter's skin.  We rode in the falling snow, it fell on Twilight's coat as we galloped around in the outdoor arena, the flakes became trapped in Twilight's mane and it looked like stars were woven in it.                     Lately cantering has felt like riding the wind, Twilight surges into it so smoothly and full of power but she is controlled.            

After riding in the cold all I want is to shower and become warm again, and I can always smell the barn  in the steam. I remember Gretchen always smelled like horses, her house her clothing, everything. Its like horses had soaked into her soul, she couldn't wash the smell away anymore. I want my skin to become that saturated with horses, I want to be able to press my nose into the fabric of my sleeve and smell the dust and the hay and the sweet smell of horse.

   Sights, smells, and sounds are always more tangible at the barn. The sunlight when it breaks through the cold feel warmer and looks like gold suspended in the air. This morning when I brought an orange out to the barn, the smell of the rinds was thick in the air like perfume. Twilight inhaled appreciatively but would not eat any of the sweet citrus fruit, so I had an orange and she had an apple.

After our ride, I rode on Twilight bareback for a bit, I just let her saunter around the barn, her ears and head up and alter. I love riding bareback the feeling of her gait and muscles moving under my legs. The tickle of her thick fur on my hands.

After I put Twilight away (she rolled on both side as usual) I went over to see Lightening.  He loves attention and came right over to me and let me rub his face and tousle his mane. His nose was wet and velvety but he pressed it close to my face so I gave him a big kiss, and then he gave me one back.

Stephenie said he was full of piss and vinegar this morning, in other words he was very energetic. He is long and lanky and a very flirtatious boy, like an adolescent rock star. Stephenie and I like to joke that he was the inspiration for Nickleback's song called Rockstar. Even though he thinks he is the greatest thing on four legs, Twilight refuses to tolerate him.
Stephenie and I went on a trail ride with Twilight and Lightening, she had her ears flat against her skull the entire time and kept snaking her head at him threatening to bite. Lightening was oblivious to her anger, and just walked along side tripping occasionally over his long legs, and walking sideways just because he could.

New Years!

As I turned into the gravel/sand road, I saw her standing alone looking into the distance as if she could see the changes the new year was bringing. I 

wish I knew what she was seeing, what in the future had captivated her, still like a statue but breathing. Maybe she was only smelling a new strange wind blowing, or was simply enjoying the scenery. I want to think that she was actually watching the road for me. Looking back over the years, we've grown closer. Twilight used to be the horse who hated to be brushed, ran from me when she saw me, and now she will at least acknowledge me when I call to her. She'll let me wrap my arms around her face and hold her close, I let her stand untied because I know she wont leave my side. Its ironic, she used to run from me, and now she becomes nervous when she can't follow me.

She didn't hear my tires crunching gravel, and she finally looked over when I 'clucked' to her. Twilight was nervous and excited, her canter was smoother today and I think she's finally adjusted to her short hooves. Ever move she made was full of power, she exploded into the canter tossed her head when I told her to slow down. She wanted to charge into the new year I think.

   After our ride I was cleaning up and petting Lightening when I noticed Mike (the horse whisperer) enter the pen of one of the Arabians that have recently come to the barn.

This one, a little mare,  is tiny and delicate like a piece of porcelain. Her coat is a stormy grey dappled with small silver coins, her face perfect and angular is a ghostly white, her black eyes are like two pools. 

She was beautiful, but she was also afraid, turning in nervous circles away from Mike, dancing as far away as the small pen would allow. She has a halter and lead rope on and he slowly reached down and grabbed then end of the rope. Immediately she became tense, taunt as a bow string.

"She isn't very human friendly is she." I said,

He nodded at me, it was clear he disapproved of how they had treated her.  

"They've never touched her," he said. And he let her reach out and run his hand down her long slender neck and over her chest, within moments she was quiet under his touch, but her eyes were wary.

I want to find away to make my soul as quiet and open as Mike's. So that I can give peace to the horses I work with, and myself.