Something to Think About

I went out for a quick ride with Twilight. I brought my mother with me for two reasons. One I wanted her to take a video of Twilight and I riding so that I could see how far we've come and how far I need to go. Two because I was secretly terrified that Twilight was going to buck me off.
When I went out to grab Twilight she turned and walked away from me, I had to run to catch up to her. I slapped her on the chest and she tossed her head at me, eyes growing wide and white around the edges.
  Twilight chased Bob, the pregnant male goat when I let her loose to run before the ride. She trotted after the fat hobbling goat with her nose pressed to his grizzly gray coat till he found a opprotunity to slip through a large gap in the fence.
 Twilight stopped and peered through the fence post at him Oh come on. Weren't you having even a little fun? Your so interesting. 
   I don't know when the fear hit, but as I slipped the bridle over her face my hands were shaking. I could feel every nerve in my body fizzing I needed to stay calm.
 She was tense, her movements were quick, her muscles coiled. We rode several laps around the arena simply working on her trot, I was very conscientious of the camera's eye following our path.
  Finally after minutes that had drawn on like hours I asked for the canter, she collected beneath me and surged forward into a fast canter, but without the slightest hint of bucking.
  For the entire ride we were stepping on glass with each other, my voice quivered, Twilight's  muscles trembled and her head was constantly jerking up or down and her breathing was heavy. But we got through the ride without incident. I was relieved to get off.
  I can't help but reflect on the movie Buck, and what Buck said. I need to be a parent to Twilight before I am her friend, she needs to learn to respect me as the leader, but I need to become a leader worthy of her trust.
 I should be in control and in charge but I have to make my commands have meaning, be gentle but firm. Show Twilight that there is a purpose to what we do.
  Buck said horses were a mirror, they are a reflect of the people who ride them. And sometimes we don't like what we see.
If the horse has issues the rider is probably the source. 
What does my reflection say about me? A tense horse who can be unpredictable and pushy or docile and pleasant. A thrill or a terror to ride depending on the day. Twilight is a wild card.  She spooks simply to spook. She does not trust easily, she is intelligent but incredibly stubborn. She can stress and knot herself up, clearly I need to work on unwinding the knots and snarled masses in my life and in my actions. Remove my emotions from the picture, find the right perspective to view myself through a critical eye, evaluate. I just need to find the place to start.